Can the worldview that the Universe is conspiring on our behalf allow us to experience compersion more often or more easily? Based on my personal experience with both pronoia and compersion, the answer is #FuckYeah.
According to Rob Brezsny’s Pronoia Is The Antidote For Paranoia: How The Whole World Is Conspiring To Shower You With Blessings, pronoia is the idea everything happens for us, not to us, and that we are beneficiaries of a conspiracy of blessings involving all beings and things in the Universe.
Pronoia invites us to see the extraordinary hidden in the ordinary, starting with seemingly mundane events like regaining consciousness when emerging from sleep each morning; putting our feet on the ground and finding gravity’s dependable consistency; respiration, circulation, digestion and other functions requiring no attention or effort; turning on the faucet and accessing water; inhaling and exhaling an atmosphere that sustains our species and our reciprocal breathers, trees; and so on.
Thus, pronoia invites curiosity, gratitude, and appreciation for the beauty of both the congruence and apparent contradictions of the Universe. Pronoia also explicitly encourages us to experiment, especially with pleasure, joy and imagination.
While pronoia fosters optimism, it is no Pollyanna philosophy or “toxic positivity” mandate. Pronoia celebrates nuances of our humanity, embracing the experience of all emotions, including struggles. But it allows us to focus on the blessings within our struggles–and thus escape the common pull of self-pitying interpretations that our mind tricks us into.
Many of us habitually feel like victims of other people and external circumstances–and our conditioned reactions of jealousy and envy are prime examples of this habit of instinctively jumping to negative meaning-making:
Someone took a parking spot a few seconds before I could? The mind says, “Poor me–the Universe is against me.”
Someone else got the promotion I wanted? The mind says, “Poor me–this is so unfair.”
My partner found someone else they love and enjoy spending time with? The mind says, “Poor me–that means I’m not good enough and may die alone.”
Because our conditioned minds are so often bombarded with and permeated by negativity, pronoia can be an essential perspective for anyone looking to invite more compersion into their lives–whether in consensually non-monogamous relationships or in other contexts.
Again, pronoia is not denial. It simply trains our minds to select positive (rather than negative) meanings about our life circumstances and experiences. Even more importantly, pronoia is the consummate reminder that meaning is created fresh and new in every NOW entirely by our thoughts, including what is positive and negative.
Objectively speaking, there is always something to learn, something to grow from, and something to be happy about, especially when we include other people’s happiness as a reason to rejoice!
My own experience has shown me that cultivating a pronoiac worldview invites more compersion. I’ve still never experienced a steady polyamorous dynamic in which I’ve felt compersion in the “traditional" context of non-monogamy. Yet I’ve come to know the empathic joy of compersion in a way that is abundantly available and accessible, regardless of relationship status or preferences.
Unexpected places where I’ve noticed compersion in my life have included celebrating:
My most dedicated coaching client receiving speaking invitations more often than me;
Completion of a home purchase by an ex-partner and the man she left me for;
Best seller status of a colleague’s book getting more attention than my own;
Whenever someone has an insight in response to what I say or do;
A friend expressing to me her compersion for my adventurous lifestyle.
Young me had never conceived of compersion. When I first encountered the term compersion it was only defined as the opposite of jealousy in a poly context. After 14+ years exploring pronoia, my experience of compersion is broader, into examples where jealousy doesn't compute as an opposite. Jealous, entitled, or self-pitying thoughts rarely arise anymore within my current pronoia mindset.
In my experience, there are infinite potential contexts in which we can experience compersion. I see it as high-vibe empathy–a vicarious #FuckYeah for other people’s #FuckYeah moments. It is rooting for people to get what they want and cheering for them when they get it.
When I look at the world through the lens of pronoia, I connect to the abundant generosity of the Universe, including its penchant for tricky lessons embedded in my challenges, struggles, and suffering. Remembering and trusting that life has my back, rejoicing in other people’s successes is only natural!
In sum, a pronoiac perspective has helped me discover that my infinite compersion supply is always available. I highly recommend Rob Brezsny’s book for all the compersion seekers out there!
About the Author
Dave Berman is a coach who helps people have a better emotional quality of life by exploring pronoia, infinity laughter, and the Nature of Thought. Connect via the Conspiracy of Blessings group on Facebook or DaveBermanCoaching.com.
